you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my liver is dry heaving
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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