i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I didn't notice because vodka
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
