New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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