Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
