hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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