Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
