yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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