is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
