His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
