he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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