Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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