the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She needs sedatives and a leash
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
