she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
