I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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