I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.