I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.