my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
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I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD