If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.