i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.