Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize