when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
