I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
