Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
