nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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