Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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