did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
