True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
