I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
