Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Alive.
So much puke
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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