I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
