WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
