I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
