totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize