Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
