just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
