Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
