Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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