Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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