one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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