1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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