How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
