they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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