Christians are straight up FREAKS
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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