you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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