watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
