i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
