We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
