Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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