Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
