I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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