I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
