I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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