This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
