I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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