are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
