nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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