apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
