First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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