you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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