$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
