Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
