guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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