Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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