I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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