I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
