Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
