And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let's get the cat blown out
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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